The time in between

  I dreamt of this day. for years. The day where both of my sweet babies were in school and I was free.  It seemed like it would be forever before it happened. When we were in the throws of two kids under 2 and not sleeping, and not showering, and not leaving the house, and not fully functioning, it seemed like such a distant hope. There were days I thought, "I cannot do this. I cannot." But then I'd get my baby boy up from his nap and that smile of his...oh that smile would get me through the rest of the day. It had to. Because honestly, the days were long so I had to find those moments that made it all worth it. And y'all, there were many days I had to actively search for those moments.
  So here I am now with a second grader and a kindergartner. And I'm not needed like I was (which I'm completely okay with). I don't need to change a dirty diaper, or sit and watch Chuggington for the gazillionth time, or make a bottle, or rock a baby to sleep. I was so physically needed then that there were nights I looked at my husband and said, "please don't touch me because I have been pulled on, snotted on, and grabbed in all sorts of places today and now....I just need to not be touched." But that's just where I was. Where we were.
  But here we are now and while I'm still needed, it's just a different sort of need. I'm needed to shuttle to soccer practices, help with math homework, have lunch at school, find a lost inhaler, buy new shoes because suddenly the ones from yesterday don't fit, and have pizza/movie night every single Friday night. I find myself now with chunks of time where I have nothing to do. The kids are gone, the house is clean, I've gone to the gym, grocery shopped, called my mom, and fed the cat. I've caught up with the goings on of the world, played Words with Friends, made Dr/dental appointments for the year, and cleaned out my fridge. This is new territory for me and after years of waiting and wishing for this utopia....I'm not quite sure what to do. Along with this newly acquired free time, I told Tyson that I felt like we were getting a glimpse of empty nest syndrome, like some sort of pre- empty nest syndrome. That should be a real thing. We had a breakfast date a few weeks ago sans children. It was weird because no one spilled milk and I was able to complete full sentences without being interrupted. I seriously couldn't handle it.  We ran out of things to talk about half way through (granted our breakfast took 45 minutes to come out so we complained about that together for a while- bonded over our shared hunger).... and I do not want to be one of those couples that looks at each other after the kids are in college and realizes they have nothing left in common because their kids were the only thing they had in common.
  This time in between my kids being really young (and really needy) and them being really old (and mostly independent) feels like this weird mom limbo. I'm not quite ready to work full time, because I still want to be available to do all the things  I do now. But there are times I find myself not knowing what to do with my free time.
  With the experience of motherhood and the past eight years of my life... I can tell you, I'm not who I was when I started this journey and it has been interesting just getting to that realization alone. The dreams I had before children are not my dreams now. The life I wanted 10 years ago is not the life I want now. Where I thought I'd be when I was 30 is not where I am. But that's okay. Its better than okay. And now I will sound like a little old lady, but really, it is all about the journey. Its about getting there. And I'm really trying to make an effort to live that way. For a girl who likes a checklist and end results, this is huge.

Mom hacks:

-Cinnamon Dolce K cups....OMG. That's all I have to say. And use Hazelnut creamer. don't ask, just do it.

-Screen time tokens: This concept is interesting. Our kids are growing up with technology we did not have when we were younger (feeling old yet?). My kids are not quite at the age where this is an issue, but we do limit Kindle and tv time during the week. And absolutely no screen time on school mornings. Because then there is almost always rushing around and yelling raised voices. Here is an excerpt from the book Essentialism:

The children were given ten tokens at the beginning of the week. These could each be traded in for either thirty minutes of screen time or fifty cents at the end of the week, adding up to $5 or five hours of screen time a week. If a child read a book for thirty minutes, he or she would earn an additional token, which could also be traded in for screen time or for money. The results were incredible: overnight, screen time went down 90 percent, reading went up by the same amount, and the overall effort we had to put into policing the system went way, way down.

interesting right?

-And hey, if you need a good cry, watch this short video. It's a great contrast to what I posted last week about yelling. How do your kids really see you? So stop being so hard on yourself - your kids tend to remember the good while you tend to remember the bad. And that's good.

-Another recipe, because hey, I like food. It is officially fall, so here is a fail proof Pumpkin bread recipe I have used for years. Sometimes I add chocolate chips. Sometimes I don't. I also make this year round because Luke believes pumpkin is not seasonal. and I agree.

Too much birthday

Remember that Berenstain Bears book, Too Much Birthday? Well that's what its been like around my house this week. Luke's birthday was Monday and Tyson's was Tuesday.

Here is a quick story that ends with me being right and every year saying to T, "See, I told you so."
Luke's due date was 9/27/09, but since I had had Savannah via emergency C-section, I planned on having Luke via a PLANNED C-section (no thank you VBAC). And just as a side note, I LOVED both of my C-sections. Yes, even the emergency one, minus the whole baby's heart rate dropping and it being an emergency and all. But it was quick, painless (except for that whole 8 hours of Pitocin induced laboring part), and ended with me having a fully intact vagina afterwards. So that was good. So with Luke I got to skip the labor part (yay!) and head straight in to the OR and get that baby out! And as a bonus with Cesareans, you schedule a few days before the due date, unlike Savannah, who was 10 DAYS LATE. I repeat, 10 days. Anyway, back to the story. So, T and I go in to schedule said C-secion for Luke and the Doc gives me a few options. 9/22, 9/23, or 9/24. Well, Tyson's birthday is 9/23 so I said, "Let's do it on the 23rd. Y'all can share a birthday!" (Who doesn't love a birthday twin? I get ridiculously excited when I meet someone with my birthday. ) Anyway, to which my husband replies, "no, I want my own birthday." To which I reply, "Fine, I'll have him the day BEFORE your birthday and your birthday will live in his birthdays shadow. forever." I then went on to explain that Luke's bday would always come first and all the birthday attention would be on him and by the time it was Tyson's bday, no one would care remember. But no, this compelling argument did not sway him.

   So fast forward to present day. I cannot for the life of me keep their birthdays straight. I  have to stop and really think about whose birthday is when! And I feel like medical personnel give me judgy looks when I can't quickly recall my son's birthday. sheesh. I constantly write Tyson's bday wrong on important documents and he is like, " do you not know when my bday is?" And then I gently remind him of the above story. And of how, if they had just shared a birthday (per my request) it would all be so much easier.on me. and then I could buy make buy ONE cake. And all of the celebrating could happen on ONE day. But no. By the time we get to T's birthday y'all, I.am.done. Its just too much. So this year I bought 4 cupcakes from a local bakery and stuck a candle in one. And then we all half heartedly sang. Even Savannah wasn't into it, she was like "Why are we singing this song every day?"
Moral of the story, I was right, he was wrong, and I'll be knee deep in birthday fun for two back-to-back days every September.

And don't get me started on September birthdays in general. Apparently, while conceiving, I did not look ahead 5 years (a huge oversight for a natural born planner like myself) and realize that  I would be having a child who would be 3 weeks past the school cut off date. So that's been fun. Oh great, another year of private half day preschool?



Mom hacks:

Chores. No chore charts here. My children are expected to help me with certain age appropriate tasks around the house simply because they are part of this family unit. If they would like to earn a little more than their weekly allowance then they can chose extra chores and get paid on the spot. And it gets my baseboards clean because I just don't do that.

I like including a recipe on the mom hacks because I know that I always love a new family friendly recipe. So this is another hit with us! Open cans and pour into crockpot....does it get any easier?! Chicken taco chili from Skinnytaste.

Christmas. Yup, it will be here before we know it. October is next week?!! Real Simple had some great ideas for gift giving with family, colleages, and friends. For my extended family, we each draw names and spend $50-$75 on that person and then each family donates to a charity that we have chosen together. This has been a great way for us to stay on budget, receive a nice a nice gift we actually want (we each do a wish list containing 2-3 items), and be charitable.

This book was recommended by my cousin-in-law. I'll say it, I have a tendency to yell raise my voice from time to time  often. We have noticed ( as in, my husband has kindly pointed out to me) that this only makes our daughter shut down. She absolutely does not respond to yelling. So I'm making it a point to stop yelling, or at least do it less often.

Mommy Rant

If you are easily offended just don't read this post. Just stop. Because I just re- read it and I was slightly offended. so there you have it.

Y'all. Don't parent my child. Just don't. Especially when they are just acting their age. I'm well aware and tuned into my child just being a kid or being completely out of control. Have you met Luke, my tantrum- throwing breath -holding son? God gave him to me so that I would stop judging other parents or attempt to parent other people's children...I'm sure of it. As far as I'm concerned, the only time another mother should ever step in is if another child is in danger...other than that, butt out or come find me. Over the years I have had a few incidents where another mom has no problem disciplining my child (and not because they were hurting another child) if I'm not sitting right there, but the second I step up they suddenly have nothing more to say. I ask if there is a problem and it's, "everything is fine". Moms, we need to be advocates for our children if they are the ones being hurt or bullied by another child OR by another mother who speaks to them unkindly.
  My second rant. If you are a hardcore breastfeeder and whip out your boob in public often, then STOP READING NOW. I am pro-choice when it comes to breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. I think mothers need to make their own decision on what works for them. It often seems to be some strange competition on who did it longest . I proudly stopped nursing BOTH of my children at 3 months when they each bit me (because yes, they started getting teeth that early). I was like, " We have now been inseperable for over a year (that 9 months of pregnancy thing and then nursing) and we are done." Oh it was a glorious day for me. And I did not feel guilty. And I did not feel like a failure. And no, I didnt have a job to get back to that made pumping impossible, I just didn't want to do it anymore! There, I said it. Now you can silently judge me.  That being said, please, if you want to breastfeed your baby/toddler/kindergartener...go for it. More power to you. But please, for the love, cover.it .up. I actually do not want to see your boob while sipping my latte or field questions from my children on what you are doing. Yes, it is natural. Yes I will have this talk with my children, but not in the middle of Costco or Chick-fil-a. So please, just throw a blanket over yourself, or one of those cute handy nursing cover ups.

And let's just agree to not discuss stay at home mom vs. working mom or public school vs. private school, or natural childbirth vs. any other way. Let's just stop it all right here.

Okay, rant over.



A few mom hacks:

 I'm sure that most mothers already do this, but I just started and wow, it makes a huge difference- especially now that school and extra curricular activities are in full swing! Meal planning for a month.  I also added in what sites I got each recipe from (since I pretty much cook exclusively from online recipes now) so that when the week came, I could easily find my recipes.

I made these bake ahead sandwiches a few weeks ago to go along with this tomato soup and it was a hit with everyone.

theSkimm....my new morning obsession. I feel like I am now in the loop on current affairs. Yeah thats right, I knew that Khorasan was a threat before Good Morning America told me.

Following the Yellow Brick Road

   The whole point of the yellow brick road was to take Dorothy some place better, right? A place where the all knowing "Oz" lived, a place where everyone was happy, a place with color (no more black and white).  I sometimes feel as mothers that we follow this mythical yellow brick road, this supposed road to happiness: motherhood with all of its joys and fulfillment.
   Let me start by saying: I wish that I was a woman who was born to be a mother. I wish I wanted to homeschool my children, have my own garden, cook everything from scratch, make my own cleaning products, grocery shop every Monday, wash clothes every Tuesday, volunteer at school every Wednesday, host play dates every Thursday, and use every moment as a teaching moment... and the list goes on. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and love that I am able to stay home and take care of them, but I envy women who just seem to do it all so naturally. I used to try to be that mom (minus the gardening thing, that's just not going to happen). But I finally figured out that's not actually who I am or who I want to be and no amount of wishing or trying or forcing the issue would change that. Also, I'm not quite sure that this mom, the one who seemingly does it all...so naturally, even exists. I'm pretty sure she is a myth perpetuated my Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. That's what I'm choosing to believe anyway.... and if she does exist, we just can't be friends.
    I like to cook, but not every night. My kids get bathed...most nights (summer nights were iffy because the pool is like a bath, right???). When they were little, I took them to the gym every.single.day because I needed a break! They go to public school, eat cereal most every morning, are only allowed to play one sport per season because I refuse to drive them all over the place, watch t.v. during the week, and eat pizza every Friday night...... But that works for me. And for our family. And I'm more than okay with not trying to be someone or something that I'm not.

 "Accept no ones definition of yourself; define yourself"- a great quote that sums up my entire post. I should have just stuck with the quote and forgone all of the wordiness.



A few mom hacks for your week- a few things that have made my life a little easier:

Stitch fix: I'm sure you've heard of it.  The closest mall to me is over an hour away and I just refuse to only have clothes from Target and Kohl's (don't get me wrong, I LOVE Target but a girl needs some variety). Also, I was not born with the gift of fashion, so this is good for those not- so- fashion- forward individuals. The box comes with a style guide (different ideas on how to wear each piece) and 5 different items based on your style profile. If you want to try it, click here.

Maskcara: Cara is my go-to blogger on all things make-up. I love her YouTube tutorials and the fact that she links all of her makeup choices (and discusses why she uses what) to her page.

This is a mom hack I was told about by a friend after a "pregnancy scare". (side note: I actually have an unnatural fear of becoming pregnant again, so it wasn't an actual scare, it was me being ridiculously paranoid). The thought of going back to diapers has me in a monthly panic- so this little app has been a game changer. No more keeping losing track and wondering if I'm with child every.single.month. Seriously.